Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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