Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
