i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
