let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
