I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
