I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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