i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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