i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
