dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
