Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
