I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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