We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
