If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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