all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
