Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Actions speak louder than pants.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
