ya dads aren't the best wingmen
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
