i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
