i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
love makes seman taste better
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
