You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
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You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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