Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
