so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
