My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
