I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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