rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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