i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
