...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize