but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
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I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
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i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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