I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
