Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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