Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
