His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
