I'm eating all of the evidence.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
