I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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