literally had 100 drinks last night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
