Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
what day is it and did you see me today?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
