So drunk its hurt
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
