If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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