Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
