I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
