Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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