Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
