Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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