Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this boner is exhausting
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
