I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
