Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
