"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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