jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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