He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
