just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
