So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
