No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
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