There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
