If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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