Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
