how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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