He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
