Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
