We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
