I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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