happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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