I'm lost and stupid without you.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She's the barista slut.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
