I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
there is glitter all over my balls
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
