the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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