OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
