I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
