I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
