Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
