I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
